


Comedy of Errors

by Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar)



Series: Imagine Tony & Bucky [33]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awkward Boners, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Dorks in Love, Humor, M/M, Making Out, Ominous Cake, Steve Is a Good Bro, Tony's Ass Is Perfect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-30 03:27:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3921211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaqen_hgar/pseuds/Finely%20Honed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="small">Prompts: Imagine Tony and Bucky are both crazy smooth when talking to pretty much anyone. But somehow even though every one of their extended friends and family knows those 2 are crazy about each another, they are a massive comedy of errors. Everything that could possibly go wrong, has. It's been months and they haven't even managed to ask each other on a first date, instead, it's gotten to the point where one (or both) is becoming convinced the other actually hates them. Time for an intervention :) </span>
</p>
<p>“Just because he’s got the tall, dark, and sexy brooding thing going for him does not mean he can… what?”</p>
<p>Steve coughed in an attempt to cover his laughter, then cleared his throat. “Sexy?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t say sexy.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you did.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comedy of Errors

**Author's Note:**

> Additional prompts: James Barnes is a professionally-trained super soldier who has survived World War II, falling off a mountain, seventy-odd years of freezer burn, a hell of a lot of work as a lab rat, and overcame decades of brainwashing. Of course Stark manages to knock him out by accident within ten minutes of him first stepping into the lab. 
> 
> Imagine Bucky trying to woo Tony with nice things, except they all go spectacularly wrong somehow. And Tony’s wondering what he did to make the ex-assassin try to kill him on a daily basis, and why he’s getting death glares all the time (which are actually looks of affection).

Bucky blinked himself back to consciousness, objects around him slowly coming into focus. He winced, rubbing the side of his head, hand coming away wet. “What the…”

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” he heard two people saying, and with a concerted effort he was able to stop the room spinning enough to locate Steve.

“I should have warned you!”

“Yeah you should have warned me,” Tony was shouting. “I could have killed him! Science is dangerous, and, oh, hey, I think he’s waking up.”

“Are you okay?”

They said it at the same time, both of them lunging for him and knocking into each other instead, which would have been amusing if he didn’t have such a headache. He was on the opposite side of the room he’d entered from, and had to assume he was what had caused the dent in the wall.

“You should take him to Bruce, make sure,” Tony insisted, hands on his hips, looking halfway between pissed off and mortified. “Nice to meet you, by the way.”

Bucky allowed Tony and Steve to help him to his feet, swayed a little before closing one eye and staring down at the guy they’d come to meet. He had a few snarky remarks on the tip of his tongue, some jokes to just ease past the moment, a bit of flirting he considered pulling out of storage, but what he went with instead was, “Yup.”

Tony blinked up at him, and Bucky stared down at Tony, and maybe it was the concussion, but  _damn_. Tony Stark was a looker. Like, distractingly so. As in, Bucky couldn’t stop staring, or maybe it was leering, and… awkward.

“Okay,” Tony said, which also made no sense.

For his part, Steve looked from one to the other of them, his face scrunched up in confusion. “Yeah, maybe Bruce is a good idea,” he muttered. “We can try the introductions again later. Sorry, Tony.”

Bucky allowed himself to be led away, head swimming a little less, but the rest of him just plain thrown off kilter. He definitely wanted to give the whole meeting Tony thing another shot, though. Once his head wasn’t spinning, he’d be back to his old self, and all would be well.

Hell of a way to make a first impression, though.

+

Tony looked up in time to realize Bucky was in the room, and promptly tripped over his own feet, and almost dumped his plate of food onto Bruce. Bucky arched an eyebrow at him, and Tony felt his face grow red with embarrassment. He looked away quickly, heart racing and stomach flopping around, and decided it was probably a sign that he should be heading back downstairs.

“I’ll be in the workshop if I’m needed,” he announced.

“Oh, I thought…”

Steve looked a little disappointed, which was sweet, but Tony just plowed right on out the door, glancing over his shoulder. Bucky was still staring. Like, deep, dangerous staring that he couldn’t wrap his head around.

He sighed in relief when the elevator doors slid shut, because that hot piece of assassin was straight up unnerving, especially because his death stares made Tony’s pants feel too tight, which was probably a sign that he should head back into therapy.

+

Bucky wasn’t stupid. Tony was avoiding being in the same room as him, which was a problem. He wasn’t going to be able to get to know him better if Tony kept running away. Obviously, he needed to let Tony know everything was okay between them, that there were no hard feelings. Well, other than the hard feeling he got in his pants when he saw Tony.

Coffee was a thing Tony liked, and therefore Bucky would bring him coffee, and they would talk, and laugh about the stupid accident, and then maybe it’d be their thing they did, where Bucky just brought him coffee and they flirted, and…

“Gah! Hot!”

Tony stared up at him in horror, because Bucky had managed to walk right into him. Coffee was everywhere, as in all over Tony. “Oh.”

The billionaire looked down at himself as he pulled his clothes away from his skin, making little noises of dismay. Bucky grabbed the closest thing he could, began trying to help blot up the mess, which became immediately awkward both because he was rubbing against Tony’s soaked crotch, but also because the rag he was using was covered in grease, which meant the baby blue suit looked twice as bad as it did before he’d started helping.

“Are you serious?” Tony smacked at his hands, his face bright red.

“Sorry, just,” Bucky let go and stepped back. Yeah, that suit was probably ruined. But, on the bright side, the light colored, wet fabric was hugging Tony’s lithe body in very, very interesting ways. Instead of apologizing like he intended, Bucky was slightly mortified to hear himself babble, “Baby blue, though? Is that really an acceptable suit color?”

Tony’s eyes narrowed, he snatched the empty coffee cup out of Bucky’s hand, and threw it at his chest, where it bounced off harmlessly. This seemed to make him angrier. He stormed past Bucky, his shoes squelching as he went, leaving a trail of coffee behind him.

“That went well,” Bucky said to himself.

+

“I mean, I get that I knocked him unconscious within ten seconds of meeting him,” Tony conceded, “but does that really warrant dumping coffee on me?”

“It was an accident, Tony.” Steve frowned. “He said he didn’t see you.”

Tony narrowed his eyes. “Is that a crack about my height?” Steve opened his mouth, then pulled a little, “well?” face, which was just not cool. “Just because he’s got the tall, dark, and sexy brooding thing going for him does not mean he can… what?”

Steve coughed in an attempt to cover his laughter, then cleared his throat. “Sexy?”

“I didn’t say sexy.”

“Yeah, you did.”

Tony felt his face flush, because he hadn’t meant to let that bit slip. “ _Didn’t_.” Except, yeah, he totally did. Steve rolled his eyes, and Tony pouted. “Can we focus on the fact that your friend hates me?”

Steve grinned, slid his chair closer. “Come on, Tony. You two just got off on the wrong foot. Bucky likes you just fine.” Steve gave his shoulder a squeeze, pinned him with those innocent baby blues, and pulled a cookie out of his pocket, held it up. “Give him another chance?”

That was just dirty pool. Steve was too good at playing him. Tony snatched the cookie, took a bite. “Fine. Clean slate. I’ll stick around during dinner tonight and everything.”

Of course, when he showed up, Bucky was wearing a plaid button down with little pearl buttons and everything, the top three buttons undone, his jeans a bit too tight, hair hanging loose, all clean shaven, with his lips extra pouty, and his eyes extra blue, and that wasn’t even a little fair.

Tony immediately swallowed his scotch the wrong way and almost died. Bucky attempted to help him—either that, or he was legitimately trying to murder him—by grabbing him and giving him the Heimlich maneuver, which was, “Not necessary!” Tony wheezed.

“What?”

Tony squirmed out of Bucky’s grip, feeling hot all over, and not just from his state of mortification re: choking in the first place, but also because he’d just had Bucky’s crotch up against his ass, and yeah. Bad. Very bad. Unless poorly timed public erections were suddenly a good thing.

“Yup,” and with that bit of crypticness taken care of, Tony basically ran out of the room.

He was pretty sure he used to be smooth, once upon a time, and wondered what the hell had happened to him.

+

Bucky stared at himself in the mirror, eyes narrowed, but even by modern standards he thought he was a good looking guy. For someone that had a metal arm, anyway. Maybe Tony was creeped out by the arm?

Only, Steve had made it seem like Tony was really interested in how the arm worked, so maybe it was the rest of Bucky that creeped him out.

He could try coffee again. Bucky thought of Tony’s wet pants clinging to him, and swallowed. Maybe not coffee, maybe cookies, or cake. Steve was always feeding Tony treats to get him to behave. Seemed like a safe bet.

Bucky went out to the Whole Foods, found some interesting looking treats, purchased them with a piece of plastic like a normal future person would do, and headed back to the Tower. He took several, wrapped them up in a nice little bundle, and headed down to the workshop.

Tony wasn’t there, so Bucky left the peace offering, along with a little note, and headed off somewhere to wait. The longer he waited, the more concerned he became about his note.

_I’ve been watching. You like cookies. Maybe you’ll like these.  
Sincerely, Bucky_

But, no, it was… fine? Didn’t really sum up the whole “I like you, please like me, too,” thing he had going on, but whatever. Baby steps.

Four hours later, when he was entrenched in murdering Clint in some sniper video game, Tony appeared, and for three whole seconds Bucky thought he’d finally got it right. Except Tony tossed cookies into his lap, scowling adorably. Despite himself, Bucky smiled, because the guy was just too damned cute when he was upset.

“Thanks for the dog biscuits,” Tony announced, “real fucking mature, Barnes,” before spinning on his heels and heading back out of the room.

Everyone turned to stare at him.

“Bro,” Clint said, shaking his head. “Not good, bro.”

Bucky hung his head and sighed. On the TV, his character took a critical hit and fell to the ground, the screen reading GAME OVER.

That about summed it up.

+

Tony was paralyzed. Like, legitimately paralyzed.

Bucky was doing one armed pushups, and not with the metal arm, either. Or with a shirt. Or pants. Those looked like silk shorts, the sort that boxers wore, and he was just going up and down, his eyes fixed on some point ahead of him, body glistening with sweat, each and every muscle standing out with the exertion.

Tony almost swallowed his own tongue, made some sort of crazy noise in the process. Which was when Bucky looked up, and then  _glared_. At least, it looked like a glare to Tony.

“Oh.” Tony still couldn’t move.

Bucky hopped up to his feet in one smooth, athletic move that had Tony’s mind going to dirty, filthy places, because he was able to just watch the man’s muscles ripple, and, wow. Abs. And shoulders, and chest, and  _thighs_.

“Hey,” Bucky said, pushing a bit of sweat soaked hair out of his face, before grabbing his water bottle and drinking.

“Help,” Tony squeaked, watching the bob of Bucky’s Adam’s apple as he swallowed, and the way some of the water dribbled down over his chin.

Bucky wiped the back of his hand across his mouth when he was done drinking, and said, “Wanna spar?”

Tony ran away.

Once he was alone, he had a totally different sort of workout while playing back the recorded feed of Bucky all sweaty in the gym. As soon as he finished, he felt very deeply ashamed, and swore he’d never do it again. He felt very committed to his promise until two hours later, when he did it again.

+

Nobody died, which was a great way to end a battle, as far as Bucky was concerned. Iron Man had swooped in like a total badass and saved him at one point, which was an added bonus. It gave Bucky the perfect opening to thank Tony, and maybe push past all the awkward. He just had to make himself do it already was all.

Tony had removed the armor, and was wearing his crazy tight flightsuit, which meant Bucky could only stare with deep and profound longing.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Bucky raised his hands, framing Tony’s ass within his line of sight, and shook his head as he let them drop back to his lap. “It’s like a work of art, Steve.”

“Oh boy. Is this why you’ve been tripping over yourself whenever Tony is around?”

Tony must have heard his name, because he turned, and spotted Bucky. They stared at each other, and Tony’s face turned pink, then deathly pale. Bucky just kept staring, longingly.

Steve sighed.

+

Bucky was staring again. This probably meant either Bucky wanted to kill him, or Bucky had figured out that Tony spent a fair bit of his Private Time abusing himself while watching videos of Bucky doing pushups. Neither option was good.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Bruce remarked.

Tony desperately tried to fight off his impending erection, but it was a losing battle.

“Nothing!” he shouted cryptically before getting back in the armor. It’d be easier if he just flew home instead of taking up space in the helicarrier.

+

Tony realized something was wrong almost immediately. Steve was sitting at the table with Bucky, and a three layer cake.

When he turned to leave, Natasha was blocking his exit. She gave him a look, shook her head, then nodded toward Steve.

“You used to be cool,” Tony grumbled, shuffling off to his doom.

The only upside was that Bucky looked equally distressed. Clint was standing nearby, probably as backup if Bucky tried to make a break for it. Bruce and Thor were absent, which was a shame. Tony would have liked to hide behind them.

“We’re having cake,” Steve said ominously. He cut a slice, and pushed the plate across the table as Tony sat down.

“Yeah, I’d noticed that part. Why does this feel like an intervention?”

Clint snorted. “Because it is?”

Bucky’s face scrunched up, and he looked to Steve for clarification. “Sorry, Bucky, but we’re all sick of watching you two do whatever it is you’re doing.”

“I’m not doing anything,” they both said at the same time, turning to stare at each other.

Natasha sighed, cracked her knuckles, and Tony decided eating cake would be a good use for his mouth. So he took a bite, and then moaned, because that was like a chocolate sex explosion in his mouth!

Bucky glared.

“Why are you death-glaring me?” Tony snapped, pointing with his fork. “It’s good cake! That was an appropriate reaction.”

Bucky’s eyes widened, and his cheeks turned pink. “Um.”

Clint made a pitiful little noise. “Can I have cake?”

“No,” Natasha and Steve snapped.

“Bucky, eat some cake,” Steve ordered. “Tony, that wasn’t a glare. Or, maybe it was, but it certainly was not a death glare.”

Bucky managed to get a bit of the lighter than air vanilla frosting on the corner of his mouth, swiped at it with his thumb, then sucked it off, his lips looking extra soft and pink and…

“Hnng.”

Tony hadn’t meant for that to be heard. Their eyes met, and Tony shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

But so did Bucky! He was still glaring, lips still wrapped around his thumb, which he slowly extracted with a wet popping sound, all while staring at Tony.

Bucky looked away, shoulders slumping. “Sorry. About the cookies? Um. I got tricked by the label.”

Tony’s eyes widened. “Oh. Huh. I actually did that once.” Bucky looked up, a strangely hopeful glint in his eyes. Steve nodded approvingly. “I mean, I was drunk and sleep deprived at the time,” Steve scowled, “but, sure. No problem.”

“Great. Tony?”

“Great Tony what?” he asked.

“Ass,” Bucky blurted, turning bright red, and covering his mouth with his hand.

“Oh, I’m an ass? You’re the one who dumped coffee on me!” Tony snapped, talking over Bucky, so he had to rewind the conversation before he processed, “No, I meant your ass, it’s  _great_ , Tony. Shit, that’s not what, shut up, never mind!”

There was awkward silence.

Steve was shaking his head, staring at the ceiling as if looking to his higher power for strength. “What the hell? I used to be able to talk to sexy people,” Bucky snapped, shoving his plate aside.

Tony gawped, everything falling into place.

+

Interventions were stupid! He’d made an ass of himself, and Tony was even more annoyed than before they’d started.

“Are you kidding me?” Tony exclaimed, and Bucky wanted to hide under the table. “Then it’s not just me? Really?”

Bucky looked up in confusion. Tony was staring. “What?”

“Sexy,” Tony accused, pointing at him. “We’re both… Ha! Eureka moment. Okay, everyone else needs to clear out.”

“I don’t think,” Steve began, but Tony interrupted him with, “it’s about to get Rated R in here, Steve, so unless you  _want_  to watch me play tonsil hockey with your best friend, I suggest you skedattle.”

Clint and Natasha were already gone by the time Tony finished talking, leaving Bucky and Steve and the cake.

“Um,” Bucky managed, but Tony had hopped to his feet, and all Bucky could say was, “are you kidding me?” because Tony was very obviously turned on. “We’re seriously  _that_ stupid?” he asked, irritated.

“So it would seem,” Tony agreed.

Once Steve realized Bucky was on the same page, he decided to make himself scarce, which was really appreciated, because he didn’t need anyone else hearing the noise he made when Tony plopped down on his lap.

Bucky wasted no time, grabbed Tony and planted one on him, until they were going pretty hot and heavy, laughing and pulling apart occasionally to call each other names.

“Moron,” Bucky groaned, sucking on Tony’s tongue.

“Idiot,” Tony countered, grinding against him.

“Hi,” Tony said about twenty minutes later, when they’d slowed down a bit. “Tony Stark. Nice to meet you.”

Bucky sucked on Tony’s lower lip. “Hey, Tony. Bucky Barnes. Thanks for letting me live here. Steve says you’re a pretty swell guy.”

“Yeah, sounds about right,” Tony agreed. “Want to get dinner sometime?”

Bucky smiled. “Sounds good.”

“I think we got our mojo back,” Tony said triumphantly, which was when the chair holding them broke, and Bucky grabbed the table in an attempt to keep from falling over backward. Of course, all this did was tip the table and the cake down on top of them. Well, specifically Tony.

They stared at each other from beneath the table and amidst the broken bits of chair. Bucky reached around, grabbed a handful of cake, and offered Tony a bite. “Whoops?”

Tony stared at him, then grinned and ate the cake out of his hand. “It’s a sign. What do you think, skip dinner, go right to dessert?”

Bucky liked the sound of that very much.

**Author's Note:**

> Dorks.


End file.
